~WISDOM TEETH AT MY AGE~

I hate going to the dentist...It isn't so much that is scares me. It is more about having to sit in a small room with no way to escape and stuff in my mouth making me feel like I can't breath or I am going to choke! I was scheduled to have my last two wisdom teeth (for lack of a better word), "YANKED". Now you might be asking yourself why I did not have this done years ago when most people would have had them taken out...Well, I was only blessed with three of them so, I was shorted on the "wisdom" part of things to begin with....But, it was decided for me by my dentist way back when, that I actually needed those last two wisdom teeth until well... Now! I know, it doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me either but, then again I am not a dentist! I was told last week that it would be a rather "simple" procedure involving a couple of rather painless injections of lidocaine...(Is there such a thing as a painless injection...I think not). I was also told that there was really no reason for any of the "big" anesthesia sort of stuff..."Easy" the Dr. told me, they would come right out and I could pretty much do what I wanted for New Years Eve. At this point I should tell you, I really have a problem going to the dentist. I get all kinds of anxious. My palms start to sweat before I even walk through the door. On the ride over to her office my stomach was doing somersaults and I had this dooms day feeling which I think is probably just a normal part of going to the dentist for some of us!

I walked in and the cheery little receptionist greeted me with a friendly hello and had me fill out paper work which basically said that I wouldn't sue them if anything went awry and then tells me how much it will be...( About this time I'm thinking that the tooth fairy is in the wrong business. She should defiantly be taking them out not picking them up! ). Then an even sweeter dental assistant comes out to usher me back to what I have come to refer to as the torture chamber. I look around quickly for an escape route knowing that my claustrophobia will get the better of me if I can't see a way out. I sit tentatively down into the over elaborate lawn chair which I lovingly refer to as "Old Sparky", and wait for the next bright and cheery person to walk into the room. Overly friendly dental assistant hooks me up with a TV on the ceiling and that cute little bib and chain then in walks the dentist! After a couple of formalities she informs me that we need to get me numb and pulls out her equipment...A very large needle! I'm thinking...where's the little Q-tip with the stuff on it that makes it so you don't feel the shot so much...Yikes! After the "BIG" ones in the back upper and lower part of my mouth she says to me..."Now I need to give you a shot in the roof of you mouth. I hurts but it is over with real fast, are you ready? What do I say to that?... NO, I am not ready, NO, I hate those shots, NO, are you kidding...NO, NO, NO! Dang, that hurt! The roof of your mouth is just not a place for a needle.

Completely numb now, it is time to get started. Overly friendly dental assistant extraordinaire on one side, dentist on the other and rather daunting instruments that I am all too familiar with in plain sight. Bite block in and off we go...Oops! Tooth broke. All four roots still in jaw... dig, dig, dig. More lidocaine. More digging, drilling started. Lips stretched beyond...well, new nickname could possibly be the "Riddler". I'm nearly drowning in the water at the back of my throat that dental assistant extraordinaire is NOT seeing...Dentist asks for surgical instruments... I'm starting to shake... Someone brings a blanket and puts it over me...I feel better...warmer...I keep looking for that opportunity to make a quick exit out my escape route...am I dreaming...did they slip me something in that last shot...one hour later tooth is finally out in 7 pieces!

Tooth #2...Had to start out with a second shot to the roof of my mouth because the first one had worn off...AWESOME!

~Christmas 2009~

I really had good intentions of trying to get a cute picture of all of the little ones around the Christmas tree, all together at once. Can I just tell you that professional photographers really EARN their pay! There is NO WAY these 6 little kids were going to hold still for 5 seconds to let me take a quick picture of all of them together so, I opted for shots of each of them separately. 284 pictures later these are the ones I dare post. I have to admit that none of them turned out all that great but I am trying to learn how to use a new camera (thanks Steve) and it is a little more than what I am used to. I have a LOT to learn!!! (I SO love digital).

Our third Christmas was just as fun as the first two. We had everyone here today for dinner and then to open the last of the gifts! Now, the house is empty again and I am not sure if I am ready for it all to be over...I love Christmas. I love everything about it. I love the anticipation and the feel of the holidays. It seems like we spend so much time getting ready for them that when they are finally here they come and go so fast we are often left scratching our heads and wondering where it all went!
I think that I am learning to enjoy them even more. I think that I am learning to relax a little and just "observe" . I am realizing that life is changing for me in more ways than I want to admit but that most of the time it is not a bad thing. It is rather enjoyable to watch from the soft seats as my children take charge of each of their own little families. Oh, they still want me to do the cooking and at times need my company and sound, sage, advise...hehe...But for the most part it is each other that they come to see and I love that!

So this is Christmas 2009, tomorrow it is back to work and the sweet memories of Christmas hopefully will carry me through the 12-14 hour of surgeries I am sure they have scheduled for me :)

~CHRISTMAS 1, 2, & 3~

For the first time in my entire life I woke to NO children for Christmas! WOW, what a different Christmas morning that was for me. Not really sure that I liked it all that much but, realizing that Christmas is all about "sharing, and giving, and being nice" I endured the morning and waited patiently until the kids started filtering in...Christmas is just too quiet without the kids! There is none of that excited anticipation, no delighted screams, no momentous confusion as they try to decide what to do first. The opening of gifts was way to calm and organized and I swear it lasted all morning...with kids, it's over in half an hour, papers and boxes tossed helter-skelter and then it's time to play with EVERYTHING! Nobody wants breakfast, kids are way to excited to eat. It's a picture taking heaven with everyone so animated you hardly have to delete a shot. I'm not saying that I didn't enjoy the morning, it was just different. I can do different once in awhile and sometimes different can turn out to be unexpectedly nice in a peaceful, middle aged sort of way...blah, blah, blah! Okay, the one thing I can say about the "off " year is this...It lasts all weekend. Christmas Day was Abbie's day, she was the highlight. The funny thing was that she didn't want to open any of her presents, she just wanted to play with the old familiar ones. You could find her over in the corner with grandma's "old" toys playing contently while everyone else (the adults) were tearing into their gifts and delighting in the NEW things they were all so excited to receive.

Tonight (Saturday) I will get to see Gage and Ali and watch as they open their presents bringing Christmas back again for a couple of hours (okay maybe 30 seconds) to our house, then tomorrow Cole, Maddie and Bella will return from Wyoming and we will get a chance to do it all over again. We have had a chance to spend individual time with each family this year, it really has been great! Different but good. The best part is that tomorrow the cousins get to see each other! How they love to be with one another. It's almost better than the presents for them! Abbie wandered around all day on Christmas asking us where Cole and Maddie were and pointing to Gage and Ali's pictures. She wanted THEM for Christmas. SO cute.

I will post pictures as soon as our THIRD Christmas is underway :)

~I NEED A LITTLE CHRISTMAS~

In my busy world I have little time to really sit back and enjoy life's little wonders. I am usually too tired to even cook when I come home from work and opt for a cookie and a diet sprite! I make my way to the computer and find there a little "parallel" universe that I have created for myself...My blog.

I was looking through some of my pictures of my grandchildren and in doing so realized once again how very blessed I am to have in my life such beautiful children. Each one brings a unique and wonderful personality that I cherish. I have watched them grow and have been amazed at how much they accomplish in so few years. I know that I certainly was not as smart as they are when I was their age.

Our grandkids like their grandpa best. I think it is because he is the one that spoils them the most. When they come to our house or, to the cabin grandma is usually cooking and grandpa is there to play with. Just the way it should be. I keep thinking that I will win them over some day but I don't think so. Simply put, they LOVE their grandpa! Just ask them they are brutally honest. It's okay, I keep reminding myself...they would starve to death without me...

Christmas is so much more fun when the grandkids arrive! I can hardly wait...camera in hand...til they get here. It is almost like it was when our kids were kids only better because, when they get tired and cross they go home with their moms and dads, take a much needed nap and come back again all "niced" up! Gotta love that!


To all of you who read my blog and comment...Thank you! For all of you who read my blog and don't comment...That's okay to. I hope that all of you have a wonderful holiday season filled with family, friends and the love that comes when we center our homes and our lives around our Savior who's birth we celebrate.

Merry Christmas, may we be generous with the spirit this wonderful season brings. Smile more, reach out and take a hand, say thank you, talk to the people around you, and look...Up.

~LOVE THOSE BOYS~

Yea, pretty much John is going to kill me for this one but, I just can't help but post this...Steve had this "vintage" snowmobiling one-piece coverall that he found the other day tucked away...far, far away in a box that had been in our storage room for probably more than 20 years! Last night John
and Garett found it! John has decided that he will forever use it now as his signature apparel whenever he goes snowmobiling with his friends... ( If you think John looks ridiculous you should have seen Garett...). I am afraid that if John wears that get up snowmobiling with friends he may not ever be invited to go again!

One of the things I love about my boy is that they never cease to make me laugh. When Garett came up first in this little out fit, I SO wish I would have had my camera handy. Just picture in your mind a giant in a leotard :). John being, shall we say a bit more petite...,tried it on and it fit perfectly. He wore it the rest of the night! If he got hot he simply unzipped the pant legs...Instant air vents! Needless-to-say he wore it home and I am happy to say that I don't think that I will ever have to worry about Steve showing up wearing the thing however, I am not convinced that John, Clark or possibly even Garett won't try to wear it out and about this winter just because, after all, they think that they really are trend setters to some degree. That is one "trend" that really needs to stay tucked away in a box in my storage room for another 20 years, possibly eternity!

~SANTA CLAUSE IS COMING TO TOWN`

We were so happy today to have Cole and Maddie show up before they left for Wyoming to spend Christmas with their Grandparents there. Cole just had to come over and play with the train one more time before he left! He LOVES the train that circles our Christmas tree. He could spend hours watching it go around. He loads the cars up with all kinds of stuff and then unloads them just to load them up again. John, our son even said that they would stay home for Christmas this year and not go to Wyoming if we would buy Cole a train just like ours for Christmas...TEMPTING!!!

Madison loves to watch Cole play. Once in awhile she will try to add her special touch which usually knocks the train from it tracks and causes all sorts of havoc. Cole is generally pretty patient with her which I find very endearing. He is a gentle little soul for the most part quickly diverting her attention to something else while he continues to "do his thing".

Maddie still eludes my camera for the most part. She can't understand why I always want to put this black lens right in her face and then say "look at grandma". She tries her hardest to look around it and see me looking at her from behind the camera...Smart girl. She makes me smile.



I can't wait until Christmas when all the grandchildren are here. They make Christmas, Christmas!

~LOOKING AHEAD~

Things are different now, tighter, tougher. Sometimes it feels as if just getting through another week without going backward is a great accomplishment. Work for both Steve and I has gotten more stressful in opposite ways. His because he doesn't know if it will be there tomorrow and mine because I'm not sure I want to be there tomorrow. Either way we watch each other worry about where we will be a year from now and how many more gray hairs our head can possibly sprout! We never thought that life would lead us down a lovely road right smack dab into a dead end but, it has. Now we are trying to figure out how to turn around and in the process trying to decide if we still even like each other! I wonder how many others there are out there like us? We have lived independently together for 33 years. Haven't really needed each other to lean on mostly because any over display of emotional weakness would be admitting that we were not quite up for the job...That of super mom/dad and overall "master's of our universe". How funny is that? Now we just sit back and wish we could be the master of anything...Life is so unpredictable for some of us and so predictable for others yet, we take what we are handed and do the best we can. We still have so much more than we ever thought possible and are so grateful for our happy, healthy family. Steve adopted an attitude a long time ago that if you share what you have with those you love ( well, with Steve, "everyone") you will always have what you have...so far it has worked for us. He is much better at the "sharing" thing than I am but, over the years I can actually say that I am learning ...By the way complaining about the "sharing" cancels it's "benefits" and sharing only when it is easy or convenient cancels it's "benefits"...These are things I have learned the hard way over the years. In a way I guess that I am still in the process of learning. Aren't we all. I hope so, it's seems that the older I get the lessons become just a little more delicate and a lot more meaningful. Hopefully somewhere down life's road they will have made me into a kind and wise old woman!

Sometimes being a "slow learner" isn't a bad thing, in fact it could possibly be a good thing. Maybe it's the one thing that keeps us on this earth a while... I can see it now, my finial judgement day, I am 106 years old, I have no hair left, my teeth are long gone having been replaced by a rather bad set of dentures. I can't get around without my "jazzie"for fear I will fall and fracture a hip and, I have been wishing for years that I could just get to the other side where I am convinced my entire family is now waiting... I finally make the transition from earth to heaven ( I SO hope it's heaven). My age is mentioned, 106 earthly years, there is an uncomfortable pause... Yes, I have to admit right there and then that it took me awhile to become proficient in "sharing"...And possibly a few other things!

~SNOW DAY~

I was on my way to work this morning at my usual time of 5:15 a.m. when my cell phone rang. My phone NEVER rings at that time of morning so it startled me a little. I looked at it and it was my nursing supervisor. Thinking to myself that this could be either good or bad I tentatively answered to find out that my surgeon who had scheduled 8+ hours of surgery was sick and my day had been "CANCELED"!!! I happily turned my car around and headed home thinking of all the things that I could do today...Skiing being on the top of my priority list! I have always made myself wait until after Christmas to start skiing but man, the snow is just calling to me! The question is, just which girlfriend is going to succumb to my persistent pestering this morning? We shall see, maybe I can get a couple of them to trade a day of getting ready for Christmas for some fresh powder and that glorious mountain air.

~I SHOULD BE ASLEEP~

Tucked away between the parties, the dinners, the programs and the celebrations are the moments when you get the chance to really reflect on what this year has brought and lessons learned. It's quiet now, late, I should be sleeping but the words in my head won't let me rest until they are written down. Lately my thoughts have kept me from sleep. I am not sure if I am bothered by something in particular or if there is just a bunch of "stuff" in there that is wanting to rise to the top like cream. Oh I hope hope it's the "cream" because the being bothered by "stuff" is starting to wear me down. I have a bazillion things to do between now and Christmas but here in the quiet of 1:37 a.m I am thinking that those things really aren't all that important.

I met a family today, a sweet, beautiful Hispanic family. They think that I have a lot. I guess that compared to them I do. Here is why I can't sleep...Whenever I meet someone for the first time, or whenever I continue to build relationships with people I would hope that they like me for who I am NOT for what I have.

As we were putting their little boy to sleep for surgery, he was frightened, he started to cry and looking around the OR for his mom, couldn't find her so seeing me he reached out and wrapped his little arms around my neck and wouldn't let go. I cried with him. I know very little Spanish but enough to whisper in his ear as he drifted off to sleep that he would be alright, he would be alright...I wish that they knew that "this" is who I am.

I will meet someone tomorrow, compared to me, she has a lot. I will be impressed by what she has and intimidated at the same time which, will enable me in a way from being myself. Maybe, all she would like is for someone to like her for who she is and not for what she has...

Don't you love how the Christmas season wraps itself around everything? Your thoughts, your actions, what you say, how you feel. It's like even the cold is warm and the dark is light.

I think I can sleep now.