I colored outside the lines today, just a little bit...I didn't like it. I'm a guilt ridden rule follower. I always have been and I always will be. I like it that way I suppose. I feel safe, comfortable and usually have nothing to apologize for. It's a good way to live a life. Tends to be a little boring but, it has kept me alive for the last 57 years! I'm not going to say that I haven't had my heart dropping experiences but, where many would find the most dangerous way of getting through them I will find the safest. Follow the rules and make sure I have every opportunity of survival. Sounds rather dull doesn't it, in fact, if you are even still reading this I am impressed! I suppose that I am not the only one like me out there. Those of us that don't have to be in control of everything but absolutely have to be in control of ourselves. That is why stepping out of that proverbial "box" is so hard for me, it means that I may lose that control and ultimately have to face some sort of embarrassment or heaven forbid inexperience!
So, when someone says to me "just let go" I tend to think NO," just hang on" because even though it may be harder it's familiar, it's habit, it's unpretentious and it feels like home, and I happen to feel like being in the familiar is far better than landing upside down in the unfamiliar...embarrassed and inexperienced!!!So far the proverbial rug hasn't been pulled out from under me and the things that I have learned I am thinking will help me (or possibly have already helped me) step from box to box without really even noticing it. I hope so because, I would sure hate to see and heaven forbid have anyone else witness what a Joey Caldwell "melt down" would look like. I wont "let go" I choose to "hold on" to everything I have with all the love and life that I have and if I decide to color outside the lines again it will only be because I know that it won't hurt me or anyone else...I'm SUCH a rebel!
No comments:
Post a Comment