~LOOKING AHEAD~

Things are different now, tighter, tougher. Sometimes it feels as if just getting through another week without going backward is a great accomplishment. Work for both Steve and I has gotten more stressful in opposite ways. His because he doesn't know if it will be there tomorrow and mine because I'm not sure I want to be there tomorrow. Either way we watch each other worry about where we will be a year from now and how many more gray hairs our head can possibly sprout! We never thought that life would lead us down a lovely road right smack dab into a dead end but, it has. Now we are trying to figure out how to turn around and in the process trying to decide if we still even like each other! I wonder how many others there are out there like us? We have lived independently together for 33 years. Haven't really needed each other to lean on mostly because any over display of emotional weakness would be admitting that we were not quite up for the job...That of super mom/dad and overall "master's of our universe". How funny is that? Now we just sit back and wish we could be the master of anything...Life is so unpredictable for some of us and so predictable for others yet, we take what we are handed and do the best we can. We still have so much more than we ever thought possible and are so grateful for our happy, healthy family. Steve adopted an attitude a long time ago that if you share what you have with those you love ( well, with Steve, "everyone") you will always have what you have...so far it has worked for us. He is much better at the "sharing" thing than I am but, over the years I can actually say that I am learning ...By the way complaining about the "sharing" cancels it's "benefits" and sharing only when it is easy or convenient cancels it's "benefits"...These are things I have learned the hard way over the years. In a way I guess that I am still in the process of learning. Aren't we all. I hope so, it's seems that the older I get the lessons become just a little more delicate and a lot more meaningful. Hopefully somewhere down life's road they will have made me into a kind and wise old woman!

Sometimes being a "slow learner" isn't a bad thing, in fact it could possibly be a good thing. Maybe it's the one thing that keeps us on this earth a while... I can see it now, my finial judgement day, I am 106 years old, I have no hair left, my teeth are long gone having been replaced by a rather bad set of dentures. I can't get around without my "jazzie"for fear I will fall and fracture a hip and, I have been wishing for years that I could just get to the other side where I am convinced my entire family is now waiting... I finally make the transition from earth to heaven ( I SO hope it's heaven). My age is mentioned, 106 earthly years, there is an uncomfortable pause... Yes, I have to admit right there and then that it took me awhile to become proficient in "sharing"...And possibly a few other things!